i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
