He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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