I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
