he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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