Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
