Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
You have to summon your inner elephant
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
