I accidentally burped into my bong.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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