I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
