ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
