I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
We have so much sex to catch up on
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
