my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
