I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
