Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
