I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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