i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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