I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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