Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
