I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Randomize
