peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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