Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
