rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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