Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
