; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
