I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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