I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
