"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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