I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
