thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
