what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
