He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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