Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
