he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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