I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
