Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Randomize
