stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
