It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
