I think my vagina is haunted
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
