don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
