I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
