I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
