Your tits are I can't wait for
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
