his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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