If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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