Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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