If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I'm determined to sit on that face.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
