I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I still have a little drunk in my system
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
