I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
