Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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