Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
