Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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