I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
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